Norwegian eMails
by Din3113
Summary: Formerly known as "Berrylight Zone." Editing the first few chapters and continuing. Pezberry and Quitt. G!P
1. Chapter 1: Rude Awakening

I wrote this like years ago, and re-read it and was like, "holy fuck was I twelve." It wasn't bad, but if I'm going to continue it some shit is going to need to be fixed. I still have a very unusual way of speaking that will make no sense, today I said nermine instead of never mind. I felt really ashamed after words. Seriously though, I hate the word panties. And now it's G!P and which worries me because of this site going cray-cray but I'm all over the web and I always use the same name, so you'll find me.

Norwegian E-Mails

Chapter 1. Rude Awakening

"_Oh yeah, Santana right there," Santana hears a voice moan as her hand slowly makes it's way up a smooth thigh feeling herself getting more and more turned on by the desperate sound of the girls voice. Santana knows she's heard the voice before, but can't quite pin point whom it belonged to. Still slowly starts moving her hand higher until she lightly grazes the inside of the girls upper thigh, moving right next to the heat of the place she longs to be. When the girl starts to moan louder Santana feels a light stirring in her jeans. Right as her hands slowly move to the girl's core Santana hears a moan that clears the sex induced fog in her head. She then stops everything, freezing, realizing that the girl is manhands herself. Rachel Berry and then screams "BERRY? What the fuck!" Rachel leans up, now in plain sight, and starts to shake Santana's shoulders saying, "Santana, wake up! Wake up now, what's wrong?"_

At that moment Santana springs awake, slamming her forehead into the person who woke her up. Realizing it's Quinn she quickly grabs on to her and sobs, "Thank god you woke me up, Quinn. I was having the worst nightmare ever!"

Quinn looks at her sceptically and says "Yeah, I could really tell. All the screaming you were doing and how sweaty you are. What was the dream about anyway?"

_Oh shit, oh shit. What the fuck do I say!_ "I had a dream you slept with Puck when you were drunk on wine coolers and feeling fat and had a baby named Beth that Manhand's long lost mother adopted! It was horrible!" _Great, one creepy dream and I can't even think good lies, way to go Lopez._

Quinn doubles over laughing. Getting back up and whipping a tear away she says "Yeah, whatever Santy. That boy is way to hung up on Kurt to even look at anyone else, let alone a girl. Besides, we all know that everyone in the Glee Club is queerer then a three dollar bill."

Santana looks relieved that Quinn believed her story. "Yeah except for Treasure Trail and Finnosence. They seem to be doing the breeder dance or something." Santana says dejectedly, hoping Quinn doesn't pick up her tone.

Quinn just laughs this off saying, "You know they are just each others big gay beards. They are some sneaky gays I tell you. Some people can't handle the slushy facials. I think they do wonders for my skin though, my face is just so soft today. Feel it Santy!"

Santana looks at Quinn strange, sensing something off about the girl. Noticing her tired eyes and seeing that she is still in the same clothes she wore yesterday Santana asks, "Were you out all night with Brittany again? Seriously. She's already delusional from all the weed you guys smoke, you're starting to act like her too."

"Hey! Don't call her delusional. Not everyone can smoke and stay ever so sane like you Santy"

Santana snarls back at Quinn, "Quit calling me Santy! It's not fucking funny. Now change and get some sunglasses on, we have school today."

"Fuuucckk, can we skip? Please? I have some left?"

Santana sighs. "Not today, Quinny. I have a major test and you know we can't miss Glee again."

"Boo you whore! I'm driving!"

Santana gets up and chases Quinn to the car. "Like hell you are, Smokey the Bear, I don't want to die today."

Santana makes it through the rest of the school day with out anything strange happening. She has all but forgotten about the dream. The only new development is how close Brittany and Quinn seem to be. She's really starting to feel like the third wheel to their little high, ditsy blonde bike they seem to have formed. She's managed to avoid Rachel all day, except for one close call where she had to hide in the AV room. Lord knows just seeing Santana gave Jew-fro in there a stiffy. She booked it to her next class before either of them could notice her.

_Good work, Lopez. Now to complete the mission. Don't listen to Berry, don't look at Berry, if she sings try and focus on something gross. Stare at Finn. Stare at him hard. All day. Like you want to touch his dick._

Finn, looking terrified, finally grows the cahones to ask Santana, "Ummm, S-s-s-san-santana... Why are you staring at me like that, it's kinda umm... really making me weird."

Santana, slipping right back into her HBIC persona practically growls back, "It would weird you out Finnter Pan, having a girl stare at any repressed homosexual creeps them out. Speaking of repressed feelings, where is Tinkerbell? Off with Wendy again? Tisk, tisk Finnter Pan. If you can't control your woman you should consider seeing what Captain Hook has been hiding in his pirate pants."

Right as Santana finishes her sentence Rachel Berry struts up and sits on Finn's lap, shooting a smoldering glance in the Latina's direction. "Don't worry, Lopez. Finn here has no problem keeping me in control," she all but purrs out.

Santana just looks away thinking, O_h fuck this dream is going to fuck up my day more then I thought. _

AN – Whenever I get real weirded out by something I like to say "you're making me weird." instead of what regularly speaking people say.


	2. Chapter 2: She's Out Like A Wet Dog

How does this beta thing work exactly, because that might be sweet. Like I have no clue what I'm doing and if it's actually good or whatever so if someone wanted to explain some shit to me that'd be legit. I have problems with things not making any sense and I'd like to learn how to make more sense. I'm kinda easily confused when it comes to some aspects of technology things so I can figure it out. I'm still trying to figure out livejournal. My tumblr user name is dinthirty13teen if anyone is interested. Also I'm going to try and make chapters longer when I start with the new ones, so yeah, shits going to get bad.

Chapter 2. She's Out Like A Wet Dog.

_God, I felt like shooting myself all glee practice today. Shue needs to make us sing nice sit down songs again so I don't have to see Ru-Paul shimmy about all seductively. Rubbing herself on Finny The Pooh like that. Why bother? Hah, I make myself laugh. Anything to distract myself from these two in the back seat. Quinn's fucking high ass stole the rear-view mirror out of my car and spilled paint on the passenger seat so her and Brittany have to sit in the back. Like I can't see them making out._

"Hey you two! The 'if we can't see her, she can't see us' thing actually doesn't work. So quit love staining my back seat."

"Santana, we still have our clothes on so that means no love stains can get on the seats!" Brittany replies cheerfully as Quinn just rubs her hands on Brittany randomly. Looking really out of it.

Santana gives her a questioning look and says, "What the hell is Quinn on? She's acting like she's trying to absorb you or something."

"Shush your face, Santana. Cocaine is a hell of a drug."

Santana slams on the brakes of the car, just as they pull into their driveway. "You're on cocaine? What the fuck Quinn! Are you seriously loco? Do you know what that shit does to you? Ay dios mio. Virgin Mary save us now."

"No, she's not on cocaine dummy. It's just an expression. You know, people say it but it doesn't really mean that. Or something. I don't know, I'm not very good at math. Anyway! Yeah, in case you wanted to know. Quinn and me are dating now, so no more trying to hook up with me when you're drunk Santana."

Santana gives Brittany a death glare and growls out, "That was only once and it never happened. Seriously I fucking hate you guys today. I'm going to study in my room or something, leave me alone. Comprende?" Santana leaves the car and storms into the house.

"What is her problem?" Quinn asks.

"I don't know, wanna have sex in her car!" Brittany answers excitedly.

"Can we smoke in here with the windows up first?"

"Fuck yes, just let me find my duckie. He's the bomb."

Unaware of all the illegal and naughty activities going on in her car, Santana is in her room reading. Trying not to fall asleep again, for fear that she may have another dream like the last one.

_God dammit, I can't fall asleep. Reading makes me so tired though. I don't want to have another creepy ass dream about Manhands though. Maybe I won't if I think about good shit before I fall asleep, I heard that works. Okay, lets try it. Getting drunk, yeah that's awesome. Ummm... Boobs. Ummm..._

While Santana is trying to fall asleep without having a dream about Rachel Fucking Berry, Quinn and Brittany are camped next to her bed. On the floor, listening to Santana think out loud.

"Holy mother fucking duck shit!"

"Shut up, Brittany. Or at least whisper, hah."

"I was whispering..."

"Oh, whatever. Did you hear that? Santana has been having nocturnal emissions about Berry!"

"She's been having Norwegian E-mails?"

"Ugh, no baby. She's been having dirty dreams! Like sexual ones!"

"Oh! Hah, is that why she's was staring at Rachel like that in Glee today?"

"I didn't notice, I was to busy staring at your ass while you were dancing. But whatevs. Back to the topic at hand. Santana has a man-crush on Rachel. We have to make this happen, Santana has been being a bitch lately. And by lately, I mean since she was born." Quinn then laughs loudly, quickly staring at Santana to see if she has woken up. "That girl is out like a wet dog!"

Then they hear Santana start to move. They both quickly hid under the bed, because Brittany is scared that Zombie Sleep Santana will cut their heads off. As Quinn starts to tell Brittany that Santana can only be a zombie if she is dead, and she's pretty sure Santana as still breathing, they hear a loud moan come from Santana, and more movement.

"Holy shit!" Quinn stage whispers.

"Maybe Santana's bed is magic, and we should go to sleep too. So we can have awesome dreams like that!" Brittany whispers back to Quinn.

"Or we can just do it here!" Quinn whispers back, grabbing a handful of Brittany's ass.

"Okalee dokalee, Quinny"

As Cheech and Chong start to get a bit frisky under the bed, things in Santana's dream are just starting to heat up.

"_Oh god yes" is moaned out loudly, from Santana this time, as an unknown girl slowly moves down her body. Taking her time, sweeping her tongue in the valley between Santana's ample breasts. Slowly moving and taking an aching nipple in her teeth. Santana starts to moan louder and thrash under the girls ministrations. "Oh.. please.. just fuck me already.. I can't take anymore of your teasing." _

_With that the girl brings her hand down and starts to slowly work Santana's growing bulge and growls out, "You want me to fuck you? You want me fuck you so hard you can't walk right for a month?."_

"Ugh_, fuck yes. Please. Make me scream."_

"_Say my name."_

_Santana opens her eyes and looks up at the girl, confused. She can't quite see the girls face._

"_You heard me! Say my name, Lopez"_

_With this the girls face comes into focus. Santana looks up in disbelief. "Rachel Fucking Berry, god damn you and your dream rape."_

"_This isn't a dream Lopez," Rachel says, going back to her work on Santana's dick. "This is your fantasy. You want me. You want me to fuck you. So say it, say that you want Rachel Berry to fuck you. And you better mean it."_

"_Never, Manhands." Santana manages to moan out._

"_Okay! Then I'll leave." With that Rachel stops her torture gets up off the bed heading for the door._

"_Wait! Ummm, comeback! What the fuck am I doing? God, just get back here Rachel."_

_Hearing Santana call Rachel by her first name makes the diva stop in her tracks._

"_You just called me Rachel. I guess that deserves some type of reward."_

_With Santana left thinking of what kind of reward that could be, Rachel moves forward. Grabbing Santana by the legs and pulling her until she is sitting on the side of the bed, with her feet hanging off. Taking her first glance back at Rachel, Santana notices she is still fully clothed in what seems to be an outfit similar to the usual home schooled argyle the girl wears. Upon further inspection Santana notices the outfit seems to be a bit smaller and tighter then usual._

"_How about a strip tease for the good girl, then maybe if you behave more we can work up to more." Rachel says as she leans forward, grabbing Santana's thighs. Giving Santana full view down her shirt._

"_Okay, Berry. Start the show." Santana says, confidence back full force._

_Club music seems to start from nowhere, but Santana doesn't care. She's to focused on what seems to be Berry's version of a strip tease. Which right now is her stripping down rather quickly, leaving nothing but her tie she had on, and her skirt. She then saunters forward. Straddling Santana's thighs and rub her herself up and down Santana, not letting Santana touch her._

"_Come on Santana, say that you want me." Rachel moans out. "Say that you want to fuck me. That you want my body pressed up against yours. God, say you want to shove that cock of yours down my throat until I can't breath. Say anything, just mean it."_

"_God, Berry, you're so fucking wet"_

"_It's all for you baby, all for you. Now please, just say it. I don't know how much longer I can take not having you inside of me."_

"_Fine, god Rachel. I want you. I want you so bad. It's driving me mad. Please I'm begging you, fuck me Rachel Berry, fuck me now"_

"_Finally, I thought you'd never back down." Rachel moans out, as she drops to her knees in front of Santana's throbbing cock..._

"OUUUCH!" Santana hears, as she is startled wake by her whole bed shifting.

"Are you guys having sex under my bed again! Seriously, last time Brittany was on top down there she had to get stitches on the back of her head"

"Sorry Santy. You moaning Rachel's name in your dream was so hot we just couldn't help ourselves"

"I was not moaning Rachel's name! I was screaming it! She was trying to kill me, worst dream ever!"

"Yeah, kill you with orgasms. We know Santana. It's okay. We accept it. You love Manhands."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Yeah, you do. You love Manhands. But by the way you were screaming I'd say that there is nothing manly about her hands" Quinn snarks back.

"I hate you guys." Santana whines.

"I love you Santy!" Brittany yells, tackling Santana down to her bed.

"Threesome!" Quinn yells louder, diving in.


	3. Chapter 3: High Times

Sorry it took me so long, I had army shit to take care of and I just had no motivation. My life kinda sucks right now so sometimes I just don't want to fucking do anything. Also I have no keyboard, so most of this was me using the on screen one. Well, I have a keyboard but I can't reach it lying down and I'm the laziest person I've ever met. Sometimes I get the urge to just roll everywhere instead of walking. But for realz, I can't figure out this beta thing. Someone explain pls.

Chapter 3. High Times.

"No threesomes, Smokey! You guys need to seriously leave me the fuck alone. I'm really stressed out about this. I'm supposed to be a bad ass."

"Oh! Oh! You should smoke with us, it'll make you way less stressed Santi!" Brittany chirps out way to excitedly.

"No fucking way! I've seen the movies, that is a gateway drug. No way Santana Lopez is going to end up doing meth."

"Seriously, it's not that bad. Brittany doesn't do meth and lord knows she's been smoking up since she was a wee lass. Knee high to a donkey I might add." Quinn mumbles out, stroking her imaginary beard.

"We can smoke out of Quinn's pipe! It's the easiest, and it makes you feel like Sherlock Holmes!"

"Yeah, okay. Fine. Anything to make me forget about those fucking dreams. Hurry up though, before I back out. Vaminos!"

"Yay! Maybe if we get Santi high enough she'll tell us what's really going on with her lately."

"Wow, Brittany. Sometimes you're really smart. You never cease to amaze me. It's like your some kind of crazy high genius," Quinn says in amazement.

While Brittany is off doing god knows what to get ready for the smoke session, Quinn quickly notices there is actually something wrong with her best friend.

"Hey buddy, in real life this time, what's the dealy-o? Believe it or not, I can tell when somethings bothering you. Want to talk about it?"

Santana sighs, "Not really, actually. Just if you guys could kill Rachel or something that'd be great, thanks."

Just as Santana finishes her sentence Brittany walks back in with the kush all packed and ready to go. "Let's do this, I need to study for a geometry test tomorrow."

Santana smokes with the Wonder Twins, hoping the distraction will help her forget about these dreams she's been having. Little does she know Quinn has other plans.

"So Santana," Quinn states, chiefing the pipe in an older, gentlemanly way. "You've been having dirty, filthy, nasty sexual dreams about a hobbit. Tell me, how does this make you feel."

"Uh, I don't know. I really don't want to talk about this." Santana stammers out, clearly flustered and pretty fucking baked. Brittany picks up on this and gives Quinn a subtle nod to keep her questions going.

"Big bad ass Santana seems to be a little timid right now, take note of this secretary." Quinn mumbles to Brittany, pipe hanging from the side of her mouth. "The patient seems to either be ashamed or confused by the situation. I'm beginning to believe she's leaning towards confused, seeing as she clearly has developed some sort of feelings for the short mystical creature who will here forth be referred to as the Hobbit."

Brittany quickly jots down Quinn's ramblings in a legal pad. "This is making me so fucking hot right now, Quinn. You're such a hot physicist."

"It's psychologist babe, but close. Anyway, back to the patient." Quinn states, before getting bashed in the head with a pillow.

"Aw hell naw I ain't no patient, and this ain'ts no hospital. You fucking highions better stop with this bullshit before ya both find yourselves swimmin' with the fishes, ya heard." Santana yells out with enough LHA sass to slam even Mercedes down.

"The patient seems to get more and more ghetto fabulous the higher she gets. Maybe this isn't the Santana we know and love. Maybe Snix has invited herself to this session. I will not attempt to interview the beast." Quinn says as her tone switches from Freudian to Steve Irwinian. Brittany puts her notes down and now holds an imaginary camera, filming Quinn.

"The beast seems to have calmed down slightly. She is no longer looking at me like she wants me to die a painful death but still like she wants me to experience pain." Santana shoots Quinn a glare, clearly not entertained.

"You guys need to seriously fucking stop it right now. It's not funny. This shit is fucking driving me cray-cray and you two are just making it worse."

"Aww, sorry Santi." Brittany says, hugging Santana tight. "Yeah," Quinn adds. "We're sorry. If you want to talk in real life though, we are here for you baby girl."

"I don't know guys. I really just want to forget it and or get this shit out of my system or something. Maybe we should go to the club and get our dance on." Santana suggests.

Brittany jumps up suddenly knocking Quinn off the bed in the process. "Fuck yeah, club. I'm going to get some shit ready. You guys get sexy." She yells and then runs out of the room.

"Well, I guess we are going to the club." Quinn mumbles from the floor while rubbing the back of her head.

On the next episode everyone gets really drunk and cries and someone unexpected is at the club. I also try and get more descriptive, but I'm already guessing I failed.


End file.
